Mình học lớp 10 nên có gì chữa sai sót, anh chị sửa giùm nhé:
(AAA) : nhận xét
(Ex:AAA) : chữa nguyên câu/chữa nhận xét
AAA: sửa từ.
The line graph shows global water use by sector while the table indicates water consumption in Brazil and Congo in 2000 (Not paraphrasing!.Ex:Two given graph demonstrate water comsumption worldwide throughout a century from 1900 to 2000 and the ammount of water was used in Brazil and Congo in 2000.) In general, after witnessing a stable trend from 1900 to 1950, water use worldwide of agriculture, industrial use, domestic use go up quickly in the after period (Agriculture sector increased slightly , not remained steadily.However, your general trend is great!) (Ex:It can be seen clearly from the line graph,in the first half of the 20th century,water used by domestic and industry remained steadily while agriculture’s water comsumption witnessed a slight increase before all sectors grow rapidly in the last of this century. ).
To specify, water use by industrial use and domestic use (???) (industrial use and domestic use of water) remain remained unchanged at about 0 km3, before increasing insignificantly (really??) from 1950 to 2000 with the highest point of 1000 km3 of the former, the highest point of 300 km3 of the later in 2000.(??? and no comparison)(Ex:Meanwhile, in 2000,water used for industrial activities was ascended to reach a peak of approximate 1000km3, over three times compared to 300km3 in domestic’s one) Interestingly, water use by agriculture supasses other sectors with the lowest point of 500km3 in 1990 and the highest point of 3000 km3 in 2000 (No comparison) (Ex:Turning to agriculture’s water use,in contrast of a slow rise of another sectors,the number of it started at 500km3 prior to experiencing a dramatic growth and reaching a high at 3000 km3 in 2000, as six times as common as in the initia period and about three times compared to industrial use.)
As can be seen from table, popular, irrigated land, water consumption per person of Brazil in 2000 over takes the ones of Congo(what does it mean???). Specially water comsumption of Brazil is 359 m3 and the one of Congo is 8 m3. (where are details about population, irrigated land??)
(Ex: According to the table, with the higher population of 176 million people in Brazil- about 40 times as crowded as 5,2 million in Congo-land used for agriculture was higher than another one, at about 26500 square kilometers compared to 100 square kilometers in an African country.Therefore,the ammount of water used per person in Democractic Republic of Congo was at only 8 m3 reflecting with a great figure of 359m3/person in Brazil.
In conclusion, global water use by sectors sees upward trend from 1900 to 2000 with exceeding of agriculture while water comsumption per person in Brazil outnumbers the one of Congo in 2000.
Comment and Improvement: No paraphrasing,grammar mistakes,less comparisons and the Introduction,Body and Conclusion involved in a single paragraph. Try to give more details from the table. I think in body paragraph, you should seperate it into two small graphs, one for describing total water use by sectors in the world and another for anylising water consumption between two different areas.However, your general trend and lexical resources are great.
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